Marc Sandford on December 23rd, 2008
by Marc Sandford

If you’re thinking about getting back together again with your ex girlfriend, the situation has to be handled very carefully. You need to understand that feelings on both sides were hurt and that these hurt feelings have not gone away. A lot of care must be exercised so that you don’t restart the same arguments that led to the break up.

Here are some suggestions:

It really helps to reflect on the reason for the breakup and whether changes are possible that will improve your relationship. Can you do anything to guarantee that further breakups will not occur in the future? Compromise will certainly be needed. Will it be possible for you to live with them? Will she accept them? Knowing why the breakup happened will help you to avoid triggering the usual conflicts when you first try to get her back.

Two things will be necessary that will contradict each other. On the one hand, it’s essential for you to keep in touch with her. On the other, you mustn’t overdo your efforts because this will scare her away. In fact, contact with her should be reduced but not completely stopped.

You will have to let her know in a subtle and casual way that you still want to be a part of her life. Communication should be relaxed, casual, and not too frequent. Drop her the occasional “Hey, what’s up” email but don’t load up her inbox because you will come across as pushy, desperate, or needy.

Find innocent and safe ways that demonstrate that she is still in your thoughts. Show her that she matters to you by remembering the important dates in her life such as anniversaries. Send a card on her birthday and on holidays.

Don’t allow yourself to become isolated. Visit your friends and keep your social life going. This allows you to remain upbeat. She must never think that the breakup has turned you into a complete wreck.

You should be showing her that you’re just fine but that you still care about her. This allows her to reassess the good times that you had together without feeling pressured.

Then you will have to make an effort to be her friend again. This will remind her of the enjoyable things that you shared together and build trust. With time, this trust will grow stronger and bring the two of you closer together.

When it comes to winning back your ex, there’s no exact method but these suggestions will get you started. Staying in touch with her is vital but remember to keep it subtle. Get too aggressive and you’ll scare her away.

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